Marriage and Divorce
Marriage and Divorce
You don't need to be a mind reader to know that I married the young lady that led me to Jesus on Christmas Eve 1966. The two of us were married in March 1967, and we officially ended our marriage in June 1977.
However, the years between brought forth two beautiful children. Paul (III) was born in July 1968, and Carrie was a March blessing in 1970. But, along with the joy of two beautiful children came the problems within our marriage which were no different than any other "Baby Boomer".
First of all, we married young. I was 20, and she was 16. Money was a mild to moderate concern with two young children coming so quickly in our marriage. But, the main problem was religion. While I went on to complete my BA in Religion, enter the ministry, and get closer to God: the light of my life went the other way. I was so consumed with studies, and than the demands of leading a congregation that I never noticed the subtle, but, ever increasing changes in our relationship. She actually wanted me to leave the minsitry, or she would leave me. I made a choice to stay in the minsitry, and she made good on her threat.
It was actually a surprise to me when she wanted a trial separation, in order to go out and drink and party with her friends from the bank where she was an assistant manager. It was frustrating, and the strain and stress of facing a divorce, and the potential fallout it would bring to my licensing and ordination process brought my world tumbling down.
When we finally split, and she filed for divorce, I was facing professional uncertainty, and at the request of my denomination's coordinator, I resigned my license, and ended my quest for ordination.
Anger consumed me. It ate away at what little faith in God I had remaining in my heart, and I turned my eyes towards self gratification through porn and hookers. It was no secret that the world of porn and paid for sex meant I didn't have to expose my heart to more potential hurt at the hands of another woman.
I knew this was wrong, according to God's word, but, at this time in my life, I felt God had deserted me, and I wanted to "get even" with Him while I put as much distance between Him and me.
Don't get me wrong. My experiments with porn and paid sex started at least a year before my marriage officially ended in 1976. While she was going home to her parents in Texas for long periods of time, I turned to the fleshly urges within, and allowed illicit sexual sin to get its foothold in my life. I was not a saint by any means...I was human, and that scared me more than anything else.
Just how could my life go so far from its initial calling? After all, I had the supernatural events of Christmas Eve to nail my faith to. I had the supernatural events that led to my being honorably discharged from the US Army, and keeping me from being sent to Viet Nam. I had the supernatural experience of seeing my college grades go from 1.57 in Junior College, to 3.88 at Azusa Pacific as I studied for the ministry. This supernatural turnaround in academic abilities was yet another sign from God that He had called me from out of the blue, and wanted me in the ministry. But marital failure was clouding my faith, and leading me down a dangerous path.
One would think that with all of these supernatural events unfolding in the course of my first tens years of spiritual life and marriage, that I'd be strong as a rock. To this day, I can't understand how the devil got such a strong hold of my heart, but he did, and now I was out on the street, so to speak, and starting a new life separate of God, my wife, my children, and the ministry I once knew I was called for.
You don't need to be a mind reader to know that I married the young lady that led me to Jesus on Christmas Eve 1966. The two of us were married in March 1967, and we officially ended our marriage in June 1977.
However, the years between brought forth two beautiful children. Paul (III) was born in July 1968, and Carrie was a March blessing in 1970. But, along with the joy of two beautiful children came the problems within our marriage which were no different than any other "Baby Boomer".
First of all, we married young. I was 20, and she was 16. Money was a mild to moderate concern with two young children coming so quickly in our marriage. But, the main problem was religion. While I went on to complete my BA in Religion, enter the ministry, and get closer to God: the light of my life went the other way. I was so consumed with studies, and than the demands of leading a congregation that I never noticed the subtle, but, ever increasing changes in our relationship. She actually wanted me to leave the minsitry, or she would leave me. I made a choice to stay in the minsitry, and she made good on her threat.
It was actually a surprise to me when she wanted a trial separation, in order to go out and drink and party with her friends from the bank where she was an assistant manager. It was frustrating, and the strain and stress of facing a divorce, and the potential fallout it would bring to my licensing and ordination process brought my world tumbling down.
When we finally split, and she filed for divorce, I was facing professional uncertainty, and at the request of my denomination's coordinator, I resigned my license, and ended my quest for ordination.
Anger consumed me. It ate away at what little faith in God I had remaining in my heart, and I turned my eyes towards self gratification through porn and hookers. It was no secret that the world of porn and paid for sex meant I didn't have to expose my heart to more potential hurt at the hands of another woman.
I knew this was wrong, according to God's word, but, at this time in my life, I felt God had deserted me, and I wanted to "get even" with Him while I put as much distance between Him and me.
Don't get me wrong. My experiments with porn and paid sex started at least a year before my marriage officially ended in 1976. While she was going home to her parents in Texas for long periods of time, I turned to the fleshly urges within, and allowed illicit sexual sin to get its foothold in my life. I was not a saint by any means...I was human, and that scared me more than anything else.
Just how could my life go so far from its initial calling? After all, I had the supernatural events of Christmas Eve to nail my faith to. I had the supernatural events that led to my being honorably discharged from the US Army, and keeping me from being sent to Viet Nam. I had the supernatural experience of seeing my college grades go from 1.57 in Junior College, to 3.88 at Azusa Pacific as I studied for the ministry. This supernatural turnaround in academic abilities was yet another sign from God that He had called me from out of the blue, and wanted me in the ministry. But marital failure was clouding my faith, and leading me down a dangerous path.
One would think that with all of these supernatural events unfolding in the course of my first tens years of spiritual life and marriage, that I'd be strong as a rock. To this day, I can't understand how the devil got such a strong hold of my heart, but he did, and now I was out on the street, so to speak, and starting a new life separate of God, my wife, my children, and the ministry I once knew I was called for.
posted by prodigal pastor notes @ 6:59 PM
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Doctrines concerning marriage and divorce
Please read Mark 10:2-12. A husband and his wife become one flesh when they marry one another. Jesus said that it was only Moses who allowed the people of Israel to write a "bill of divorcement "due to the "hardness of heart". "But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause......they twain shall be one flesh....." Jesus finally warned, "Therefore, what God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Pharisees wanted to put away their wives and came to Jesus and asked Him tempting whether it was lawful for a man to put away his wife "for every cause"? (Matt.19:3). Jesus gave this commandment to the Pharisees who sought to put away their wives. The Pharisees wanted to know from Jesus the cause for such a divorce. Jesus replied that it was Moses who gave this commandment due to the hardness of their hearts. Jesus did not give any commandment to us for putting away our unfaithful spouses. Jesus simply quoted the commandment of Moses as mentioned in Deut.24:1 to 4. According to the Mosaic law of divorce, a man could write a bill of divorcement if she found no favor in his eyes because he had found some uncleanness in her. The cause for divorce according to the Mosaic law was "some uncleanness in her". The husband could not tolerate this uncleanness in his wife due to the hardness of his heart. She could not find favor in his eyes due to this uncleanness. Can we apply the same standard of "some uncleanness" for divorcing wives under the New Covenant? No. God forbid. The apostle Paul exhorts the husbands to love their wives "even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it" (Eph.5:25). If some preacher quotes the Mosaic law to justify divorce, he is truly a false teacher. Jesus said very clearly to the Pharisees, "but from the beginning it was not so" (Matt.19:8). According to Jesus, the matter of divorce was not in the heart of God when He created Adam and Eve. If anyone wants to divorce his spouse even on the ground of adultery, he or she must be in the category of the Pharisees only.
Jesus did not want to overrule the law of Moses but attached a string to the law of Moses. If anyone wants to divorce except on the ground of adultery, he/she should remain unmarried and should not marry during the life time of the other spouse.
If a couple becomes one flesh after marriage, nobody should or can separate each other in flesh, either by divorce or otherwise. Only the death of a spouse separates each other in flesh. No man or judge has any power to separate what God has joined together. To our great surprise, we find many pastors solemnize such unholy and unscriptural marriages. To add salt to the injury, they also encourage their congregations to divorce their spouses and marry again.
Paul said in I Cor.6:16, ""..Know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith He, shall be one flesh". A man who is joined to a harlot is in one flesh with the harlot. "Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman that put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery".
Let us now look into what Paul says about marriage. I Cor.7:1 to 17 may be read. "And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband. But if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife". If a wife decides to depart from her husband, she should remain unmarried or should be reconciled to her husband. Then Paul speaks about unbelieving husband or unbelieving wife being sanctified by the believing spouse.
"But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases but God hath called us to peace. " (Vs.15). If an unbelieving husband of a woman wants to depart from her, let him depart. And the sister concerned is not under obligation to serve her husband. She should remain unmarried only. Of course, she can live in peace without being persecuted by her husband. But, she cannot remarry another person during the life time of her husband, in view of the Lord's commandment in Mark 10th chapter.
"Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife" (Vs.27).
If any man is bound to a wife, he need not seek to be loosed from the marriage bond. If any man is loosed from his wife (through death), he need not seek a wife. A married man who has become one flesh with his wife is freed from her only after she dies in flesh. Secondly, a widower need not seek a wife. If you are loosed from a wife, you need not seek a wife. Please note the next verse which begins with "But and if". "But and if thou (the person who has been loosed from his wife) marry, thou hast not sinned....." Contracting a marriage is not a sin. Here, Paul does not talk about remarriage of divorced spouses at all. A man, who is a widower, or a woman who is a widow can re-marry another person (not a divorcee with a living spouse) and he/she does not commit sin at all. Paul says that marriage is not a sin here because he wants to distinguish this marriage i.e. a marriage after the release of one of the spouses due to death, from an unlawful or unscriptural marriage i.e. a marriage by a person whose spouse is alive.
Paul addressed his epistle to the unmarried and widows and then to the married. This whole chapter is meant for them, and not for divorcees. (I Cor.7:8, 10). We should bear this fact in our mind while reading the whole chapter.
"...If a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. ..." A virgin means a spinster who has vowed to be a virgin throughout her life. She may reconsider her decision at any time for marriage. If she marries, she does not sin at all.
In his epistle to Romans, Paul writes about the status of a married woman after the death of her husband.
"For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man......" (Rom.7:2-3).
A wife or a husband is loosed from the marriage bond only through death. Paul used the same words "loosed from" in his epistle to Corinthians as mentioned above. This clearly shows that a spouse is loosed from the other spouse or from the marriage bond only through death and not through divorce.
"Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge"(Heb.13:4)
Preachers are misinterpreting the words of Jesus and the epistle of the apostle Paul to justify divorce and remarriage. The words of Jesus and the apostle Paul need no interpretation at all as they are simple truths so as to be understood by a man of common prudence. I challenge anyone to show me from the New Testament any word uttered either by Jesus or His apostles justifying divorce and re-marriage. Pauline epistles should be read from beginning to end. We should not pick up some verses and quote the same out of context.
The evil of divorce and remarriage has destroyed thousands of God's families throughout the world. This is a cancerous growth in the body of Christ as many people of God have divorced their spouses and then remarried. In these last days, the Holy Spirit wants to perform a surgery on the body of Christ to remove this cancerous growth. It is indeed a painful work for the Holy Spirit to perform on the Body of Christ.
To read more in this regard, please click here
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